there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
