Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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