listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
