Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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