i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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