just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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