nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
