how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
