Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
