look no pants
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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