I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We are two peas in an std pod
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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