Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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