What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
