i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Randomize
