that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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