im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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