I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
