He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
