Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
