Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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