cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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