dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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