I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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