I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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