After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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