How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
