He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
