At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
