Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
