you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
