he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
