just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
