my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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