Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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