I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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