I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
