My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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