I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
