If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
