I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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