but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
