we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
