Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Randomize
