The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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