If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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