Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
