i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think pants incapable of making pants work
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
