if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
