babies were throwing up all over the place
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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