I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
