why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
