I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
