no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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