yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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