just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
