He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
