I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
