Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
