"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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