Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize