look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
