i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
