That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize