So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
