just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
