Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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