where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
