My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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