We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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