ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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